Dealing With Anger in Love and Relationships

People often believe that the relationship between anger and love is very close when it comes to human relationships. They say, ‘you only get angry with the people you love!’

However, in more practical situations, the crucial question exists – Is anger good in relationships?

The answer is NO.

Effects of Anger on Relationships

It is never a happy feeling to be around a loved one who is angry with you. It ruins the whole vibe of being with them. At the same time, anger in love is also an inevitable feeling. As couples grow closer, they become more comfortable and open to sharing their emotions, of which, anger could also be a part. Unfortunately, explosive anger may result in saying or doing things that can cause damage to the relationship. On the other hand, implosive anger may fester into resentment, which ultimately spells doom for the relationship.

Dealing With Anger

The best way to tackle the issue is by decoupling the relationship between anger and love so that it is unacceptable to be angry with your loved ones. We need to stop taking our loved ones for granted and should treat them with respect. It is a challenge to be dealing with anger, whether it is anger towards the partner or anger towards yourself. But here are a few healthy ways that can actually help!

Think Before Speaking

Anger is comparable to insanity – a condition where you go beyond logic. Thus, it is quite plausible that you may end up saying something that you do not mean and/or will resent later. So the best way to avoid such a situation is by counting up to 10 before saying anything. This tip will help you choose your words carefully.

Address the Issue

The next step to fix anger in love is by addressing the root cause of it. It is not necessary that you begin talking about it almost immediately once the anger has simmered down. In fact, it is advisable to do so when you are both calm. Begin a healthy dialogue and replace all the “you” statements with “I feel” statements. For example, instead of saying “Why didn’t you…?” use “I feel upset that….”

Be an Active Listener

Much like you, your partner would also want to be heard and vent out their negative emotions. The best way to make them feel better when they do it is by being an active listener. Repeating what you have understood and heard makes your partner feel better as it affirms their feelings. Additionally, it also reflects that you are legitimately listening to their woes rather than getting defensive.

Bridge the Gaps

Bridging gaps could include finding a middle path where you can both agree. Agreeing to a compromise that works for both of you means actively practicing empathy. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and relate with their emotions. This empathy will help you reach a greater understanding, thereby offering a viable solution to the problems.

Reconnect

Often, anger results in a disconnect between the partners. Once the matter has been sorted, find ways to reconnect with your partner. Physical contacts through the acts of hugging, cuddling, and even having sex can help get over the bitterness caused by anger.

Now that you know that the answer to ‘is anger good in relationships’ is no, you can use these tips to deal with it whenever the unpleasantness shows up. When you can effectively deal with negative emotions such as anger, you are setting out on the path to a happy and prosperous relationship for life!

- Via Apurva